Sticks and Bricks Will Break My Bones
by Werby567
Summary: A story where the characters in PJO fall in love with contruction objects. R&R, plz.
Disclaimer: I'm not Rick. If anyone used the idea already, then I don't know of it.

Piper POV

So right now, I'm sitting in the Arena, thinking about what happened a week ago. You might be wondering what happened. Well, I'll tell you. Long story short, Jason cheated on me. There. How? Fine, here's the long story.

-A Week Ago-

I creped towards Cabin One at nightfall. After the Giant War, stargazing with Jason had been a daily thing. I would go to Cabin One, climb the ladder with him, and have a conversation about one certain friend that turned into a fireball (cough cough, the one that starts with L, ends in eo). Then, I would creep back to Cabin Ten before the morning horn sounded.

But as I avoided a harpy, I thought about how Jason acted recently. He seemed… quieter with me around, and talked less. I ignored it for the first few days, but after a week, I started to get worried. Last night, he even cancelled our meetup, saying that he had other plans. I wanted to think that he needed more sleep, but I had a nagging feeling that something was going on. Luckily, he didn't cancel tonight.

But as I opened up the door, I saw Jason… cuddling with a brick. Yeah, you heard me correctly. A freaking brick! Sure, I could've focused on the shocked expression on his face when he saw me. Or, the fact that he was half-nude. But I just looked at the brick, then Jason's eyes. I wasn't sure if I should tease him, or make him explain what was going on. I went with the second option.

"Why are you naked?" I asked slowly.

"Umm..," Jason replied.

"And why are you cuddling with a brick?"

"Hey! She has a name, you know!"

I stared at him blankly. "She?" I questioned.

He stared at me as if I didn't know my name. "Well," he began. "Duh!"

I mentally facepalmed myself. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Yeah it does!" He snapped back. "Bricks are female, while cinderblocks are male" Jason explained.

I was puzzled. "Umm… so… why?"

He groaned in exasperation. "Okay, bricks are female-"

"Yeah, yeah, I got that part, but why were you cuddling with a brick?"

He sighed. "Well, Piper McLean, I have something to tell you."

I nodded for him to continue on. "I don't know how to put this, but… Piper, I'm cheating on you."

The cabin was suddenly filled with a tense silence. I was confused, shocked and angry at the same time. "Explain," I said with a steely calm voice.

"Well…"he began. "You know how I got hit by a brick in New Rome?"

"Let me guess. You fell in love with it for some strange reason."

"No no no no no. She's named Christina. I dumped Phoebe already."

I looked at him, my eyebrows raised. "Who's Phoebe?"

"The brick that hit me in New Rome. I dumped her though."

"Yeah, you told me that."

"No no, I literally dumped her into the Forge."

After that, the room was filled with an awkward silence. "So you're cheating on me," I said plainly.

"Yep"

"With a brick"

"Correct."

My eyes darted around the room, looking for any hidden cameras.

"This isn't a prank, right?" I said warily.

"What?! No, why would you think our think our relationship is a prank!" He said, his eyes filled with hurt. So he was actually dating a brick. Huh. But that idea was completely ridiculous. I was becoming worried about Jason. Maybe I could send him to a therapist or something. I think that the war had affected him somehow, like Tartarus with Annabeth and Percy.

"You sure you're okay?" I said worriedly.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You consider inanimate objects as a suitable mate."

"Hey! I take serious offence to that statement." he said angrily.

"But it's just a brick!" I shouted back

"Yes, a brick that captures my heart." he said, staring at the brick.

"You sure you're not mentally insane."

"Why would I be?" he said confused.

I sighed. "Okay, you either choose between me, or the bri- Christina."

Jason looked saddened. Well, you did insult my Christina, but…" he sighed. I'm going to stick with you."

My mind flooded with relief. "So, you're over the brick?"

"Um, yeah, I guess." he responded.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! Of course."

"You promise you won't cheat on me ever again?"

He hesitated. "Um, yeah, I'll try not to." He blushed.

I chuckled. "You know, I actually thought you valued a brick more than our relationship!"

He chuckled nervously. "Yeah."

At that time, I thought that things were back to normal, that Jason was over his weird phase. I thought that he was going to act normally again with me, even if he looked uneasy at the moment. I thought we would happily spend our nights together, stargazing and talking about Leo.

Ha ha, no.

While he was grabbing a shirt from his closet a mound of bricks tumbled from his closet.

For a few seconds, I stood there in shock, looking at the bricks that fell. Jason looked like if Thalia just died.

"So…. can you explain what just happened?" I said, angry.

"Um… " he began. "Well…. Uh… okay this one," he pointed at a brick. "Is named Anna, and this cutie right here is named Madison, and this one right here," he embraced the brick in his hands. " Is young Caitlyn-wait, no this one's Caitlyn this one's Atlanta, real beautiful one if you ask me."

I just stood there in shock, watching as Jason pointed out each brick and named them all. But as he was grabbing his millionth brick, I saw something unusual. I rushed towards the object, and found it to be a cinderblock.

"What is this?" I said, pointing at the cinderblock.

"Oh… he said, blushing. Well his name is Leo, and-"

"Don't tell me you cuddle with a cinderblock."

"What?! That's just weird, why would you think that?"

"Well, you were kinda cuddling with a brick"

"No, I just talk to him, you know in honor of Leo"

I knew that the entire Argo II crew was impacted by Leo's death, but this was just overkill, trying to replace his friend with a cinderblock. Sure, I sometimes stared into Katropis for hours, just to see if it could see him. I thought that Hazel was the most affected, (after I visited her and found her crying and eating a tub of ice cream) but this is certainly the weirdest way I saw someone cope with our friend's death. I knew this was certainly not normal. "Are you okay?"

"Seriously, I've answered that question about a million times in this conversation. Yes!" he answered.

"Well, you talk to a brick."

"Hey! It's a cinderblock, okay, and, and," he sighed. "I get lonely sometimes, and now that Leo is gone, I just want to talk to someone about my feelings."

I facepalmed myself.

"That's the whole point of stargazing with me!"

"Yeah, but we've been only only talking about Leo and-" he said nervously.

"Then we could talk about something else." I said, not falling for his weak excuse.

"Yeah, but…" he sighed. "Fine, the real reason is because Christina doesn't like me spending time with you."

"You said you moved on from the bri- her" I said, enraged.

"Yeah, yeah, it's just that," he pursed his lips. " It just feels wrong."

"But. You. Moved. On from. The frikin. BRICK."

He sighed. " You don't know my situation right now, see-"

"Yeah, I don't know your situation. I've never fell in love with a BRICK."

"Um, technically you would have to fall in love a cinderblock, cause if you fell in love with a brick, you'd be a lesbian." he pointed out.

"I don't care! You said to me that you wouldn't cheat on me again"

"No, no, no, I said I'll try not to."

"And that excuses you from having a mound of BRICKS in the closet!?

"Well, duh!"

I groaned. He may be a hero, but he wasn't a loyal one. "Still, you pretty much were cheating on me, like, a million times."

"I get lonely, okay?" He responded. "Hey, Leo, stop flirting with Caitlyn. You know she'll reject you!" he snapped at the brick.

"That's why you have a girlfriend!" I responded. "And why do you think a building material can flirt with a brick!"

"Well he is Leo" he answered angrily..

"How does that even matter!? Who cares, a block is a block, including your 'girlfriend.'" I snapped at him.

Jason gasped as his face turned red. "Get out of here and don't talk to me ever again!"

When I was about to exit the door, I shouted at him "I hope you have a nice happy life with brickface over there!" He gasped, and I slammed the door at him. When I left, I heard Jason talk to said brickface.

"Don't worry my sweet, Jason is here" Jason said, trying to sooth the brick.

"Boys," I muttered silently.

-Flashback Ends-

So that's how I discovered my boyfriend was cheating on me with a brick. He is currently going through therapy with Chiron. Sometimes at noon, you can hear shouting from the Big House and an occasional piece of furniture flies out of the window. I wonder when Dionysus will snap. Christina was melted in the forges a couple hours ago, much to Jason's displeasure. Cabin 11 hunted down every single loose brick they could find in the camp and melted them all. Jason later accused them of genocide. Leo returned a few days after the incident, with Calypso riding on Festus' back. We decided to throw Leo (the cinderblock) into the ocean with Percy's help, although Jason was reluctant to give it over-by locking himself in the Cabin 1 for 8 hours. Right now, I'm looking into joining the Hunters of Artemis, maybe move away from boys1. I hope that he gets over his little, ah, 'obsession'.

So, I hope you enjoyed this one-shot, planned to make it longer, but I decided not to. I may write another one-shot about Bercy, but I don't think I will at the moment. Review please!

Werby567, out!


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